Script: Simpsons Episode 2F35:


ACT ONE

SCENE ONE

Moe: *tired* Alright guys, it’s closin’ time; everybody out.

Lenny: *drunk* But, Moe! One more round, pleeease?

Moe pulls out a shotgun from under the bar

Moe: *tired* No! Get the hell out; it’s closin’ time.

*Homer, Lenny and Karl run out of the bar*

(in the street)

(from within) Moe: you could’of left a tip!!

Homer: Awwww, now what are we going to do, I don’t want to go home yet, my family may not be asleep and I’ll have to spend time with them.

Lenny: We could go skydiving.

Homer: Sounds unnecessarily dangerous, and *childishly* scary.

Karl: Why don’t we just wander around drunkenly until we do something we may regret?

Homer: Now, that sounds like a motion I could second.

Lenny : *crudely* What?

Homer: YES!!

*slide into blurred riff sequence from drunk’s point of view*
(we see the lesbian bar, a strip club, and most of Springfield’s generic downtown area, before ending up in a military recruiting center and joining the army)









ACT ONE

SCENE TWO

*the next morning*

*Homer walks into kitchen. Marge, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie are eating pancakes for breakfast*

Homer: *happy* What’s for breakfast?

Marge: Pancakes.

*flips 5 pancakes onto a plate for homer at the table*
*Homer pours syrup into pancakes from a bottle shaped like a Mennonite*

Homer: Marge, your pancakes are spectacular. I love your pancakes! *kisses pancake*

Marge: *grumbles*

Homer: And, I love you, Marge, maker of pancakes.

Bart: *quieter* Lisa, I am so screwed. I have a test in history on the constitution and I have no idea what a constitution is.

Lisa: usually I frown upon your scholastic laziness, but in this case it doesn’t really matter. Just try to think like an angry republican and the constitution will come to you.

Bart:…ok, I hope that works. I also need to find a new way to make some money, I want to buy a new skateboard. I’ll just think up something fun and easy soon.

Homer: Let’s go watch some TV before we leave, sweet blessed T.V.

*Homer goes into living room with Bart and Lisa while Marge does the dishes and Maggie cannot escape her high chair*

(T.V. flips on)

Kent Brockman: *in neutral indifferent tone, as usual* War has broken out in Africa again. This time a civil war has occurred in Rwanda with the Hutu and the Tutsi-pop peoples attacking each other. I’m getting word from my producer that Tutsi alone is the correct term, not tutsi-pop. There are currently more than 100 000 dead, most killed with machetes. The United Nations is said to be sending a peacekeeping force to the area within the next days or weeks. The US army will be providing troops to this peacekeeping mission, some of which will likely come from our own Fort Springfield. Now here’s Arnie Pie, in the sky, with the traffic report.

Lisa: That’s great! So many innocent children have been killed since the president was assassinated. We needed to step in to do something, but it needed to be a multi-lateral intervention, not just us again.

Homer: They said that men from Springfield would be going over there?

Bart: Yeah, Dad, but since when do you care about what the UN does?

Homer: Ummm, I don’t… Yes, that’s it; I don’t care.

*phone rings*
*homer answers phone*

Homer: hello?

Phone Voice: Hello, Homer, this is your commanding officer, General Andrews. You are ordered to immediately come to base with any personal belongings you want for a 6 to 10 week deployment in Rwanda. Come alone.

Homer: What if I carpool?

Andrews: that would be okay, too. You have 24 hours, Simpson

*phone clicks*

Homer: *annoyed grunt*!

Bart and Lisa (in parody): (saccharinely) What, Dad?

Homer: Well, ya see... (Marge interrupts homer)

Marge: Who was that, Homer?

Homer: I was JUST explaining that to the kids.

Marge: Oh, continue…

Homer: (annoyed) So, as I was saying… (normal) Last night, Karl, Lenny, and I got drun….er…..spent a long time at Moe’s. Then, after Moe closed, we went walking around. Funny thing is, the only place in town that was open was an army recruiting center.

Lisa: not again…

Marge: Homer, are you going to risk your life?

Homer: (whiney) Not by choice.

Marge: I can’t believe you’ve joined the national defense again, especially after what happened last time.

Homer: Well, this time will be different,;I’m going on a peacekeeping mission.

Marge: That’s more dangerous than a war game!

Homer: Oh well, I’m sure nothing will happen.

*the family leaves for work and school*









ACT ONE

SCENE THREE

*At Springfield Elementary School*

Bart *talking to millhouse * : (quietly while teacher talks) Millhouse, man! My dad’s skipping town. You know that means? We’ll get up to some crazy shenanigans!

Millhouse: What kind of shenanigans?

Bart: I don’t know, but we’ll find something brilliant.

Millhouse: Your parents aren’t getting divorced, are they? ‘Cause mine keep fighting about it…

Bart: Mo, my dad got drunk and joined the army. Now, they’re sending him on a “peacekeeping” mission to some African country. Hopefully, he doesn’t end up on some video, torturing prisoners, or I’ll never see him again.

Millhouse: Or he could get hurt.

Bart: No, he can’t; he’s with the US military. Nobody gets hurt anymore, and if they do, we just hit the reset button.

Millhouse: Good point!

* bell rings, kids run out to recess *









ACT ONE

SCENE FOUR

* Homer, Lenny, Karl, Stewart the duck, and a few other power plant employees, some in
radiation suits, are in the break room *

Homer: Did either of you get the same phone call as I did this morning?

Karl: You mean from General Andrews? Yeah, I did.

Lenny: So did I. (talking like a girl with a crush on a boy) He had such a dreamy voice.

Homer: So, did they tell you we should carpool too? I agree with that policy.

Karl: (confused) Okay, we could carpool. I didn’t really think of that, but it sounds like a
good idea, Homer.

Lenny: I think the real problem is that we’re going to a war zone. I’m a little worried about it. At least we’re not actually responsible for anything.

Karl: That’s true, eh? We are going somewhere pretty dangerous. How’s your family gonna take this, Homer?

Homer: They’re pretty good at dealing with anything crazy I do. Remember when I went into space? That took almost a month, and was pretty risky. This should be a walk in the park.

Lenny: Sure, Homer, whatever you say.

Karl: Well, back to work.









ACT ONE

SCENE SIX

Family sitting in front of tv having dinner in usual formation

Marge: So, did anything exciting happen today?

Bart: Not really.

Homer: Lenny, Karl, and I agreed to carpool to the base.

Marge: As much as I support carpooling. (becomes very angry) I don’t like the idea of you leaving; not one bit, especially since you’re going somewhere so dangerous! They even mentioned it on the news!

Homer: I can’t weasel my way out of this one. It’s only for 6 weeks; I’ve been gone longer than that before.

Marge: (angry) But never somewhere this dangerous. Did you think of what this will do to our children?

Bart: I’m cool with it

Lisa: I find it slightly admirable that my father will take place in a peacekeeping force. I support the UN, generally.

Marge: (obviously lying) Well, if the kids have no problem with it, then I’m ok, too.

Homer: Thanks, hunny. I knew you’d understand that I have to go to Rwanda, or I’ll be court marshaled. And I can never pass up a free trip.

*Family hug*

Marge: (still haggard) Well, I feel better about it now. I’ll go clean the kitchen.

*Lisa moves onto couch, so Bart cannot hear conversation*

Lisa: Mom may not be happy with you, dad, but I really am this time. You’re doing something completely selfless that will help people who have already lost so much.

Homer: Well, we’ll see how much I help when I get back, okay, hunny?

Lisa: Okay, dad

* Homer and Lisa hug * *fade out*









ACT ONE

SCENE SEVEN

* The sun rises over Springfield, the city awakens, at the Simpson house *
* Horn honks, homer runs out of house with luggage jumps into Karl’s car *
* At military base the 3 walk towards the barracks*
*Walk past bumblebee man seeming to be coming back from USO tour, and small
Hispanic protest with signs stating that America doesn’t need illegal labour in parody of million man marches*

*After assorted background gags*

Lenny: Here we are.

*walk into office*

General Andrews: (salutes, the 3 drop their bags and salute back) Welcome, gentlemen. Since you are all registered with a militia like good Americans, you will only be given 2 days refresher training before we send you out. We need men on the ground immediately.

Homer (whispered): What militia?

Lenny (whispered): The power plant union is considered a militia.

General Andrews continues: You will report to the range in 15 minutes for training.

* the general hands all 3 M16s, an American flag on the side is zoomed in on*

*goes through training sequence which seems rather quick and comes back to rifle training every time. Homer drops rifle in many odd places, including during a skydiving training. The rifle falls apart every time, mocking poor quality American rifles*

* The team of 3, with no other recruits, shoot, crawl through trenches, shoot, climb obstacle course, shoot, skydive, shoot, swim in a pool with mock enemies, shoot. *

General Andrews: Well, men, congratulations! You’ve passed the re-orientation. You ship out at 08:00H tomorrow. Now, our first regiment will be the 3 of you, and the UN hasn’t actually given us permission to shoot anyone, but somehow you have to keep the peace between the 4000 rebels and the 7000 government forces in this mountain area * points to a map on the wall *. You can use this cliff to your advantage. I’ll just take those magazines in accordance with the rules of the mission, *general removes magazines from guns* and replace them with megaphones and whistles *general gets 3 megaphones and 3 whistles out of his desk*. Good luck, gentlemen. *salutes, the 3 return salute.*
*the 3 move outside the office onto a path to return to their barracks*

Lenny: Will they be providing ammunition when we get there?

Karl: No.

Homer: This doesn’t sound as safe as it did before. But, it’s too late to weasel out now; we’ve already been put in this cage * the 3 walk past barbed wire fences as this conversation happens*.

Lenny: Yeah, the only way out for us is by plane.

Homer: Or by beer…

Karl: That’s how we got into this mess!

Homer: And for now, it’ll drive away our problem for a couple of hours.

*the 3 go to an on-base bar. Everyone is in uniform, but it’s still a bar, complete with crocodile head on the wall.*

*cut to later that evening, the words “10 minutes later” scroll across that screen*

*singing*
Karl ,Lenny and Homer: (tune of green sleeves) For long tomorrow it’s off to battle, where blades will swing and bullets will rattle, where Chals (Charlie) will threat, and on precipice we’ll dwell. Rwanda we’ll face like hell. Main-tain the peace they say, try we will, but, come end of day, lost, lost they will remain; our bullets lie useless in Maine.









ACT TWO

SCENE ONE

*change to next day at school*
*bart and lisa are talking on the playground*

Lisa: I’m really getting afraid for Mom; she’s ready to snap at any moment. I mean, we’re all a little afraid that dad might get hurt or something, but I think mom needs professional help.

Bart: Yeah, she watered the cat and fed the plants this morning. And, she didn’t sleep last night; I heard her polishing the dining room table at 3 am.

Lisa: So, it’s agreed; we need to do something about our mother’s worries. If only I knew a way to do this easily.

Bart: How many times has dad been committed? It can’t be that hard.

Lisa: You’re right, Bart. Although, with dad gone and mom committed, we might end up in foster care again.

Bart: We’ll figure a way out of it, I’m sure.

*camera flashes to the house*
*Bart Lisa and Maggie are watching cartoons*
*sound effects to show cartoon violence play, in the episode of Itchy and Scratchy the 2 are on opposite sides of a street, Itchy throws various objects at Scratchy before ultimately launching a rocket at him*

*Marge walks in and faints as a man resembling Homer gets crushed by things Scratchy throws at Itchy*

Bart: Oh, great. Now, who will make dinner?

Lisa: Maybe we should call an ambulance…

Maggie: *sucking sounds, concerned look on her face*

Bart: Yeah, I guess you’re right, but I’d really rather not get picked up by children’s aid.

Lisa: Maybe we’ll get lucky and fall through the cracks. With the money from dad being overseas, we should be ok.

*bart picks up the phone*

Bart: Hello. We’d like an ambulance to 742 Evergreen terrace.

Phone voice: Is this another one of your pranks, Bart?

Bart: No, this is not a hoax, Marge is sick this time. *sounding slightly scared* She’s fainted from stress about Homer being in the army.

Phone voice: We’ll send someone from the psych hospital right away.

*flip to sequence of psych hospital ambulance deploying à-la 70’s batman with poles and a cave*
*ambulance attendants arrive almost immediately, move marge into a straight jacket*
Ambulance attendant 1: too bad she’s unconscious, we don’t even get to drug her.
* Ambulance attendants take her away in the ambulance*

Bart: Well, that was fast. I just realized: Now that Mom and Dad are gone, we have the run of the house!!

Lisa: We could start a study group for things they won’t let us learn in school, like Harry Potter, and calculus!

Bart: I’m the last person who’d usually say this, but our school system has gone way downhill.

Lisa: So, let’s do something about it.

Bart: How about… No. I have a better idea: we’ll open a Kids Casino in the tree house!

Lisa: No, Bart! Child gambling addiction is a big enough problem in this country without you perpetuating it.

Bart: What if I made you the star act, doll face?

Lisa: Really?! I could be on stage in front of hundreds of people, every night, performing whatever I liked!?

Bart: Yes! Of course. It would give the casino a dose of class to have live performances 7 nights a week.

Lisa: Okay, let’s do it.

Bart: Now, what are we going to eat?

Lisa: Well, there’s plenty of food for Maggie, and since you can’t cook, you’re stuck eating tofu with me.

Bart: Awwwwww…

* the 3 move to the kitchen. Lisa straps Maggie into her high chair and pours a bowl of baby food for her and a bottle*

Lisa: Tt’s really not so bad. Come try some with teriyaki sauce.

Bart: Okay, if it has teriyaki sauce…

* Bart and Lisa go over to the fridge and get out tofu stir fry*

Bart: This really isn’t that bad!

Lisa: I told you so. Now, if you actually do your homework, then maybe nobody will notice that we’re illegally living in this house without parents.

Bart: Shouldn’t the change make them suspicious?

Lisa: No; they’ll just think you’ve buckled down and started to care.

Bart: Great! Maybe we can really pull this off









ACT TWO

SCENE TWO

* Night passes, the 2 are in the school yard, Bart is talking to a small crowd of the regulars from Springfield elementary*

Millhouse: My life has become meaningless; I want to add some excitement to it.

Bart: Then, you should come to my casino tonight. We’ll be open 5 nights a week with
Lisa as the star act, as well as blackjack, roulette, craps and poker.

Millhouse *comments to himself*: If lisa sees that I’m always at her shows, then she’s bound to fall in love with me! *to all* I’ll be there!

Sherry and Terri: Our parents love gambling; we want to see what all the fuss is.

Nelson: I’ll definitely be there. My dad lost his first wife in a game of craps. That’s also how he got his third wife.

Bart: The casino is off to a huge success!









ACT TWO

SCENE THREE

*meanwhile in Rwanda*
*scene changes with a globe on screen in parody of Google Earth, including altitude etc. bars as they appear in the Google Earth window*

*Homer, Lenny, and Karl are sitting on the precipice, looking out of telescopes at the opposing armies lined up on either side of the de-militarized zone*

Lenny: It’s really nerve wracking, knowing that they’re building defenses and stockpiling weapons and there’s nothing we can do.

Karl: The rebel forces are the ones I’m afraid of; look at these government troops. * the camera looks through a telescope to drunken soldiers forcing monkeys to knife fight, and children bringing flats of beer off trucks.*

Homer: They look about as well armed as us

*a government superior officer shows up, shooting his gun in the air to get attention.*

Homer: Nope, they have bullets; they’re better armed than us.

Lenny: It’s too bad we have to keep the peace with megaphones and whistles…

Homer: But remember, we blow the whistle first, and then talk.

Lenny: Did the rebels have those trucks yesterday?

Homer: No, they did pushups all day yesterday; they couldn’t have had trucks. Maybe, they’re planning a movement.

Karl: Well, that’s what we’re here to stop; let’s go ask them politely not to do anything.

* the guys get in a UN jeep with their translator and head down to the rebel forces camp.*
*the rebel forces camp is similar to the island from the James Bond film ‘Doctor No,’ complete with a fire breathing dragon-truck. The commander’s office also has a fish tank,which makes minnows look 8 feet long.*

Rebel commander: What brings you fellows to my camp?

Homer: We noticed you seem to be preparing to move out, and we can’t allow that as UN troops. We must ask that you not advance on the Government forces.

Rebel leader: Please, have a look in the valley with me.

Homer: Okay

*the men stand up and head to the window*
*we see men with machetes driving the people out of their homes and homes set ablaze*

Rebel Leader: As you can see, the government has moved in and has begun killing my people again. We feel we must defend ourselves, and, as you are nearly powerless to stop them, or us, I can only smile and nod when you ask that I not move any troops.

Homer: *annoyed grunt* Okay, we’ll go talk to the government forces and ask them to stay out of the de-militarized zone.

Rebel leader: The demilitarized zone, in case you have not been made aware, is not the only line in this war. All my people behind that line are being slowly killed. I will stop them, with or without the UN’s help.

Homer: Well, this has been a productive meeting. Good day

*the four UN troops leave the rebel camp in their UN jeep*

Homer: Let’s find out if what he said is true. Can we drive into the valley?

Black UN soldier: Yes, we can, but it seems inadvisable.

Homer: But we’re allowed?

Black UN Soldier: Yes, but if we die, it’s your fault.

Homer: Woo hoo!

*Homer drives the jeep into the valley that they have been watching. The 4 men find bloody houses and burnt down villages*

Karl: Guys, we gotta do something. There’s some government troops up the road; let’s try using the megaphones.

*the jeep slowly approaches and stops about 150 feet from the government forces*

Homer speaks into megaphone: Government Troops, on behalf of the UN, I immediately order you to stop this activity and leave the de-militarized zone.

*Black UN Soldier repeats what homer said in French*

*the government forces burst into tearful, belly clutching laughter on the ground*

Homer: Don’t laugh at us; we’re just doing our job.

Black UN Soldier: It’s no use; they will not listen to us. Let’s get back to our camp

Lenny: Maybe we could radio for permission to fire on them from our camp.

Homer: We should do that again. Maybe, now that the forces are starting to fight, we’ll have a chance.

*the jeep rumbles and they quickly drive back up the cliff*

*back at camp, Lenny picks up the radio*

Lenny: This is sitting duck to base, repeat: sitting duck to base. Do you read?

Radio: Clear signal, sitting duck. Go ahead.

Lenny: The government forces have attacked the demilitarized zone, and the rebel troops are preparing to retaliate. I think they will retaliate at sunset, when the trucks will be least noticeable. We are requesting permission to take some sort of action against either force.

Radio: That’s a negative; we cannot do that because of our current policy.

Lenny: Well, inform the council that we need new power.

Radio: It’s already been done; they listen to this radio channel.

Lenny: Over and out.

Homer: Maybe we’ll be able to stop them before nightfall…









ACT TWO

SCENE FOUR

*time flashes forward*

*we see shot of tracer fire moving 2 ways in the jungle across the valley. Karl, Lenny,
Homer, and the black guy watch through binoculars.*

Karl: I count at least 100 men shooting on each side. Why don’t we try radioing it in again?


Lenny: I’ll try it again.

*Lenny picks up radio*

Lenny: This is sitting duck to base.

Base: Come in, sitting duck

Lenny: Our situation has escalated to full armed conflict. We count at least 100 men shooting on each side of this valley. Requesting permission to intervene with fire.

Radio: *delay* Permission is still denied. You may attempt to stop confrontation with your megaphones. Over and out.

Lenny: Well, someone try that, then.

*Karl gets a megaphone out of the tent*

Karl *in megaphone*: Everyone in the valley: I ask you to stop firing, on behalf of the UN.

*thunderous laughter comes out of the valley*

Karl: I guess that’s still not going to work

Homer: Yeah, looks like that was a waste of time.

Lenny: Get down! I think we may even be fired on.

*the group looks through binoculars on their stomachs. As the fire fight becomes more intense, tracer fire can be seen which is certainly not headed for either of the camps*

Homer: Do you think they really mean to threaten our lives?

Lenny: They may not have been ordered to shoot on us, but they certainly are trying to scare us.

Black UN Soldier: Yes, they want us dead so they can fire mortars. Both sides believe they can conquer the land we are supposed to be defending.

Homer: So, if we don’t do anything, they wont hurt us?

Black UN soldier: It’s unlikely they’ll think it’s worth the ammunition to kill us, but they don’t want us firing back.

Homer: Well, I say we hit the sac then. And, as commanding officer, that means you have to do what I say.

*All go to their tent. Four sets of wide open eyes are visible in a pitch black screen as the sounds of the war beneath them are heard*









ACT TWO

SCENE FIVE

* The next morning there is an eerie silence*

Homer: Let’s go see what happened.

*all 4 men leave the tent*

* A scene of terrible devastation is seen: patches of smoldering jungle and what looks like (and are) mass graves*

Karl: It looks like the rebel forces attacked the government forces. look how clean the rebel camp is, but the government camp has burning tents and trucks in it.

Black UN Soldier: Karl, you’re getting good at this.

Homer: Lenny, try radioing for permission to follow them to wherever they are and intervening.

*Lenny picks up the radio*

Lenny: Sitting Duck to Base.

Radio: This is Base. What is it, Sitting Duck?

Lenny: The valley is now clear of soldiers. We believe the rebel troops attacked the government forces. We have solid evidence for this.

Radio: Well, we still can’t let you use force since it’s not in the mandate. So, just stay there. Over and out.

*Lenny puts down the radio. All four men move to the cliff and survey the damage.*

Homer: Well, we can at least put out those fires. Let’s get to work.

*camera flashes halfway around the world, passing over Italy where the mafia is killing someone*








ACT TWO

SCENE SIX

*the kids are in the tree house, which is packed with students from Springfield Elementary. Lisa is on stage with a drummer and a bass player, belting out a blues song on her saxophone. There are kids at the various gambling tables*

*Dart is going around as Maitre D and owner*

Bart: Good ta see ya, Nelson. Terri, you’re looking fantastic, as always. Martin, no card counting, and I mean it. *goons follow martin*

Blackjack dealer: Profits are up. These players are hitting on 17s and staying on 10s. None of these kids know how to play blackjack.

Bart: Millhouse, how’s lady luck treating you?

Millhouse: Like any other lady treats me; she hasn’t spoken to me once tonight. I’m pretty far in the hole.

Bart: Why don’t we get some free refreshments for Millhouse?

*Bart claps, and a waitress from the elementary school brings drinks to Millhouse*

*Bart returns to his “office.” Lisa is there too*

Lisa: This is great, Bart! Everyone loves me, and, best of all, I get a live audience to perform in front of.

Bart: The tables have been pulling in $5000 a night. This is awesome; we won’t need Mom or Dad ever again.

Lisa: Bart, that’s pushing it. Neither of us can drive, and Maggie really shouldn’t be in a casino; but, for a few days, it’s ok.

Bart: Okay, as soon as mom or dad gets back, we’ll close the place up.

*Lisa kisses Bart on the cheek*

Lisa: Okay. Now, I have to play my second set, then, it’s time for homework.

*back on the floor*

Millhouse: Oh, God! How am I ever going to pay off these debts?

Dealer: Dealer wins. All bets loose.

All gamblers at the table: Awwww









ACT TWO

SCENE SEVEN

*the next day at school*
*kids are talking in the school yard*

Nelson: I lost $140 last night at the casino. That’s a terrible night for me

Martin: Despite my best efforts, I also lost a months of allowance

Millhouse: I lost $118 000! My parents are going to kill me when the creditor calls.
*millhouse bursts into tears*

Sheri: We lost $45.50 together, but that’s not nearly as bad as Millhouse. He’s doomed.

Nelson: Yeah, he is.
*nelson punches millhouse*

Nelson: That’s for not knowing when to draw the line.

Millhouse *doubled over*: But I have nothing to live for!









ACT TWO

SCENE EIGHT

*Millhouse is home from school. He sits on the couch where his parents are*

Luann: Millhouse, we need to talk.

Kirk: Why did someone come over and try to get 118 000$ from us today?

Luann: They claimed you accumulated gambling debts at a casino.

Millhouse *crying*: It’s true, I gambled away our house. I need counseling, I need help. I need a reason to live.

*Luann hugs Millhouse*

Luann: There, we can figure something out. Maybe they do really early student loans or something.

Kirk: Well, we have to do something about the repossession of our house.

Luann: I’m sure we can work something out.









ACT THREE

SCENE ONE

*we go back to Rwanda, where our team has extinguished the fires*

Homer: We can now be proud that we have at least done something to help this country.

Lenny: Yeah, I feel a sense of accomplishment that we saved some of this forest.

*all agree*

Homer: Well, let’s go see what other task the base would have us do.

*the 4 jump into the UN jeep and drive back to camp. Lenny checks the radio*

Lenny: Sitting duck to base.

Base: Base here.

Lenny: We have extinguished all the fires we can see from the camp. What should we do
next?

Radio: Pack up your camp, the UN has decided it’s too dangerous to have you out there. Any missions not in the capital are being sent home, and since you’re the mission in the de-militarized North, we will be sending a helicopter to bring you to the airport before nightfall.

Lenny: But the Rwandans still don’t have a safe country to live in.

Radio: Those are your orders, gentlemen. Over and out.

Homer: Well, you heard the radio. Let’s get this place packed up; we only have 3 hours ‘till sunset.

*Homer turns to the Black UN soldier*

Homer: It was great working with you, Kigali. I hope we can keep in contact.

Kigali: Maybe. In my native Zimbabwe, the telephone lines are not what they are in the West, so perhaps we may not be able to.

Karl: Www, we’ll miss you a lot; you kept us alive out here.

Kigali: Thank you.

*group hug*

Homer: Quick, we have to be ready; my family must be worried sick.









ACT THREE

SCENE TWO

*we now visit Marge in the New Bedlam Rest home for the Emotionally Interesting, passing the gates as the camera goes to a side room where Marge is undergoing psych testing with doctor Foster *

* the doctor is performing the ink blot test*

Foster: We’re going to go through a standard set of tests. Tell me what you see on these cards.

*Dr Foster begins flipping through the cards*

Marge: A tank, a man shooting a gun, my children at home, alone, with no father, a coffin, my Homey being shot!

*Marge bursts into tears*

Dr Foster: This may sound unlikely to you, but no Americans have died in Rwanda as a result of the peacekeeping mission. Let’s try something else. I’ll say a colour, and you tell me the first thing that pops into your head. Blue

Marge: My hair. Shampooing my hair to be specific.

Dr Foster: Green

Marge: The dress shop I always go to on Main Street.

Dr Foster: Red

Marge * in tears* : Homer’s blood type: B positive.

Dr Foster: It’s clear that she is exhibiting stress responses to her husband going on the peacekeeping mission in Rwanda. I’m not sure about treatment, but this doesn’t seem treatable without the husband.

*homer walks in with the kids*

Marge: Oh, Homey! I was so worried about you.

Homer: Yeah, the kids told me all about it. But, I’m back now, so you don’t have to worry your pretty, blue head any more.

*a family hug occurs. Marge and Homer kiss*









ACT THREE

SCENE THREE

*the family in the car*

Homer: So, what happened to you kids while I was away?

Lisa: I did so many performances! It was amazing.

Homer: Where did you perform?

Lisa: Ummm, at the school. We had 3 talent shows while you were gone.

Marge: Bart… Did you open a casino again?

Bart: What evidence do you have to be making that accusation?

Marge: Bart, you’re grounded for a month!

Homer: And I saw Kirk Vanhouten at the base. It seems he had to sell his house to pay off his son’s gambling debts.

Marge: And you are buying their house back!

Bart: Aww! I never get to make any money around here…

Marge: No, you don’t mister! Any money that’s left after that is going to the church. We can’t turn our backs on you for two minutes without something illegal happening.
Homer: look on the bright side, Marge: everything is back to normal now.
*fade to credits with sunset over the letters for Springfield and the whole city visible, including the tire fire*